There are moments when time stands still.
– When their crying goes on all night long and nothing you do seems to help.
– When it’s a late Saturday night and you’re praying that you’ll see their headlights bounce off the wall and hear them pull in the driveway.
– When their fever is way too high, and it just won’t go down.
– When they are waiting on that college letter and dreaming that it will be good news.
But for the most part, it feels as if the moments are spinning out of control and evaporating at warp speed. They go from butterfly kisses to awkward hugs in the blink of an eye.
– From depending on you for everything to learning to do it all on their own.
– From believing that you can fix anything to learning that it doesn’t always work that way.
They drive us crazy, infuriate us, exhaust us, make us cry, and make us want to punch a wall. They give us love, make us laugh, fill us with joy, and make us want to hold on forever. They rock our world, and it’s the greatest, most wonderful thing we will ever experience!
This is God’s gift of children. And it’s a gift that comes beautifully packaged but has many hidden layers.
It is a perpetual dance of emotions that teaches us more about love than we ever thought possible.
Sometimes our children make our hearts swell with deep joy and pride, but other times they make our hearts break into a million shattered pieces.
When they are small, exhaustion often overwhelms us, and we just need a break. (Then we feel guilty for feeling that way.) When they are older, and we aren’t so ‘cool’ anymore, we watch them from a different angle and dream of bringing back a few of those exhausted days just so we can hold them tight again.
We celebrate the milestones. Rolling over. Saying ‘Mama’. Crawling. Walking. First day of school. First boyfriend or girlfriend crush. High school. Driver’s ed. First date. Sweet 16. First heartbreak. High scorer in the game. Honor Roll. Prom. And a million other moments that all seem to fade, one into another.
Now, here we are – – standing in their newly decorated college dorm room, searching for some final, profound words of wisdom. Something that would make a difference. Something to help with the ache in our heart and the sick feeling in the pit of our stomach.
A thousand questions threaten to overwhelm us.
“Did I raise her right?”
“Did I teach him what he needs?
“Will she be careful?”
“Will he remember to pray, and floss, and wash his sheets?”
“Will she miss me?”
As we swallow the lump in our throat, we second guess ourselves, wondering if it was all enough. We wonder about all the mistakes we made and all the things we just never got around to doing or saying.
And though we wish we could just hold on a little longer, we know this is an exciting milestone for them, and letting go is another sacred moment in this journey of parenthood.
But this important milestone is not just theirs.
It is also ours.
Because here is a truth that you need to know:
You have prayed, and loved, and dreamed. And in spite of all the mistakes, it was enough.
In fact, it was more than enough.
There doesn’t have to be any profound, final words of wisdom, because you lived it all out in front of them, moment by moment, day by day, year by year.
They won’t always follow what you’ve taught them, but they will always know your love.
And you will continue to be their safe haven. Because you are the one that loved them through every tooth ache and every heart ache, and you will be the one who will love them through many more moments that are still to come.
You are their forever hero.
Maybe they don’t say it . . .
But they know . . .
They know.
In His Grace,
Sherri
Diane Edwards says
Well, there you went and just made me cry. I can’t even read it the second time without crying. This touches the very core of every parents heart and me very deeply. I cry for the joy, the pain, the unknown, the good, the bad and even the ugly. Thank you for the part that tells me I did enough. As a parent I always question that. Sometimes a good cry is just what I need. God says he knows every tear and I do believe that. Psalms 56: 8 “Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” I know he hears and sees me and I also know God is using your writing. I loved every tear.
Sherri Autrey says
Diane, I agree that sometimes we need a good cry. It often cleanses me and makes me see clearer (once I get all those emotions out!) And you’ve been a great mom! I witnessed it with my own eyes. And now you’re getting the blessing of being a grand parent! Enjoy each moment!
Sherri